There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
