That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
