We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
