I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
