ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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