I bet he comes in French.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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