we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is it penis luge time yet?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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