my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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