lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
