dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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