A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
