god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
