i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
