Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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