but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
