My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
