so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
