y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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