Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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