You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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