So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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