if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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