Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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