We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
