You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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