come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
