Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
