Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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