I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
