Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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