i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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