Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
