Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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