I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
