if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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