either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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