Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
