i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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