yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
