a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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