After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
