Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
