google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
