i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
