you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
