ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
