He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
