let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
