this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
