its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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