So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
