Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
