my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
