Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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